Hopefully, again, this doesn't come across as a negative statement about my Pitt program. I LOVE it, even though it can be SUPER overwhelming at times. But I do have a hard time figuring out exactly what my function in my placement is really supposed to be. In short, who am I supposed to be when I'm there?
I know that, as a student-teacher, I'm some kind of weird hybrid of student-teacher-expert-novice-observer-observ-ee(probably not a word, but I mean it as the object of the observation of others)-critic-criticized-the-list-could-go-on! But what exactly does that mean for the many people interacting with me? In particular, what is my responsibility, and my mentor teacher's responsibility, to our students?
So I taught my first lesson, as I said, this Wednesday the 21st. And I felt like a failure after the first time I presented it. I was sure I'd been unclear, and that students had not understood the purpose.
I'll outline what my activity/lesson was, to give some context. My assignment from Pitt was to co-plan a lesson with a group of my peers that we could each use in our placements as a device for building literacy community/ies in our classrooms. (A literacy community refers, in my understanding, to a community of readers/writers/learners whose literacy practices and knowledge can inform one anothers' learning). My group came up with what we called a kite activity, because the idea behind it was to go from individual knowledge, to the knowledge of 2-3 peers in small groups, to the knowledge of a whole class, that could then be assimilated by all the individuals in the class.
My class was starting a new unit on the Enlightenment, and I wanted to implement the lesson so that students could learn to see one another as resources, and see how much knowledge could be constructed by working with their peers. Using a wonderful target-shaped graphic organizer from Jim Burke's Tools for Thought, I had them brainstorm one or two pieces of knowledge they had about the Enlightenment as it occurred in the US--be they ideas that were popular, trends, people who were alive/in power/writing at the time, etc. (they placed their ideas in the smallest, central circle of the target on the organizer). Then they got together in pairs or small groups, shared their knowledge, and worked on making possible connections to fill up the second-largest circle on the organizer. Then the pairs/groups "shared out" to the whole class, and we filled out the largest circle in the graphic organizer together. I then asked students what they perceived the purpose of the activity to be, explained that it was to see how much more knowledge they could develop as a community than on their own, and asked them to reflect on weather it had been effective, what they'd learned, and any other feedback they had.
Students completed the task successfully, but I didn't quite see the synthesis of ideas I'd hoped for, nor did I see students really, fully understanding how they had constructed a narrative that they could use to inform their readings from the Enlightenment period. I felt I'd failed.
My mentor teacher and supervisor both praised me, though. They reminded me that I could improve, obviously, but that I had done well, connected with students, been effective, etc.
My question, though, is this: Certainly, if I'd been an experienced teacher, I wouldn't have failed to notice the girl with her hand raised for several seconds. I would have given clearer directions, and explained the purpose of the activity more clearly. In general, students would have learned more--so why am I allowed to be in the classroom with students without the experience necessary to avoid those mistakes?
I know the answer, practically--how can I learn not to make the mistakes without the practice in a real classroom? But is it fair to the students, when I make rookie mistakes that perhaps prevent students from becoming motivated and engaging, or prevent them from asking questions for fear that they will look silly if I'm not answering them quickly enough, or when my lack of clarity about an activity prevents students from gaining anything purposeful from it?
Should my mentor, a veteran teacher, be stepping in every time I make a mistake, or could be doing better, or neglect something? Certainly, with that much support, I wouldn't be able to establish myself as an authority in the classroom, so how would I be able to develop professionally? But is it fair to the students? They're there to learn, not to help me to learn. They're not getting paid to educate me, but they're being expected to do just that.
I know that what I'm taking away from these questions is that I have to give it my all, I can't afford to make careless errors with the attitude that, "I'm new, I'll get it eventually," because, unfortunately, I'm my students' only chance to learn the ideas and material that I'm presenting. I have to be prepared, I have to try and anticipate as much as possible. And I have to try and think like a veteran teacher as much as possible.
But I wouldn't be a STUDENT-teacher if I could totally inhabit the role of a vet teacher. So I have to know that I will be making mistakes--probably TONS of them--and that my students may, at times, be wronged by my mistakes. How can I accept that, though? What level of leniency can I allow myself without short-changing the students? I know I'm being hard on myself (and probably on all student-teachers) but from students' and their parents' perspectives, these are the questions--perhaps the only questions--that really matter about teacher training programs, so I feel I'd be irresponsible not to at least think about them.
Wouldn't it be easier if teachers could all be perfect?
I know, this is perhaps unreasonable, but in other ways, it's totally important and relevant and it's a HUGE concern for me right now. What can/should I expect myself to be able to do for my students, who are also, since I'm a student, too, my teachers? How do other preservice, or vet teachers, feel about this? HELP!
I think something that is important to keep in mind when you are teaching is that, at the end of the day, your role (especially now, as a student-teacher) is merely a small part in the constituent lives of the students. While you are right in thinking that this may be the only opportunity for these students to learn this particular piece of information, and that this may have a great impact on the totality of their lives (I'm thinking butterfly effect here), you are one of a variety of stimuli, experiences, figures, and most importantly, teachers in their lives.
ReplyDeleteYou can't take on the heavy burden of every one of their lives, you'll crush yourself under it. This is not, of course, to say that you shouldn't be worrying about these things. But it is important to think of yourself in a genealogical role: you may be a determining factor in their lives, but you are not the one and only determining factor.